Ways To Make Your Partner’s Orgasm Easy (2)

Making Sex Better For Women

A sex therapist named Leonore Tiefer at New York University says that treating any kind of female sexual problem from the physical viewpoint is inappropriate. For one thing, since half the female population seems to have a disorder, it may well be that FSD isn’t actually a physical problem but a societal, cultural and emotional problem.

For example, in the trial where women were given Viagra you’ll recall that a large percentage of the ones given a placebo sugar pill also experienced success in achieving orgasm.

One of the reasons for this appears to be the fact that simply taking a pill and focusing on the expectation of female orgasm changes a couple’s behavior so that they set up the situation in a way that is more likely to give the woman an orgasm – for example by taking more time, and by expecting more successful sex.

Clearly, the expectations which a couple bring to sex and female orgasm is almost as important as what happens to the woman physically.

Sex Therapy Or Physical Therapy?

So Tiefer’s belief is that while society can’t change overnight, sex therapy is certainly a route to allowing women to reach orgasm without having to resort to drugs.

In the way that it’s practiced these days, sexual therapy often involves a combination of information, education around sexual techniques, psychotherapy to help women work out what is making sex unenjoyable or inhibiting orgasmic response, and advice that will allow them to focus on sexual objectives other than the sheer number of orgasms they are able to achieve.

Another problem, of course, is that many women are so embarrassed about the discussion of sex that they simply can’t bring themselves to undergo sex therapy: it’s much simpler to ask for a pill or to use a device which is supposed to assist them in reaching orgasm.

Carol Ellison, a clinical psychologist in California, observed that in more than 2600 women that she asked about sexual problems, the large majority associated their difficulties with simply being too tired, being too busy, having too much to do, or combining home and full-time work.

Ellison takes the view that prescribing pills to help women achieve orgasm more easily and diminish their dissatisfaction with their sex lives is akin to the 1950s practice of prescribing sedatives to housebound women while simultaneously preventing their access to meaningful employment.

And Ellison points out that drugs are often unsuitable for older couples who are the ones most likely to have physical issues that make both male erections and female sexual arousal increasingly difficult.

Ellison talks about the idea of sexual self-acceptance, which in the case of older couples might mean an acceptance that caressing, intimacy and sex talk will replace the actual physical release of intercourse and orgasms.

In any event taking drugs to improve sex life can have a negative impact. Erick Janssen, a psychologist at the Kinsey Institute, has suggested that couples expect too much from Viagra. They can be very disappointed when they discover that even if they can have intercourse successfully their relationship still doesn’t improve in other ways. For example, if they have underlying emotional or psychological issues.

And certainly we know that a large proportion of the men who take Viagra do not experience any improvement in their erectile capacity. This is because they have emotional issues between them and their partners. These problems may need traditional sex therapy.

Conversely, the proponents of sex therapy can seriously undervalue how beneficial a drug regime may be to a man or woman experiencing a sexual problem.

Laura Berman, a sex therapist at the University of California in Los Angeles says that female sexual disorder is defined in much more sensitive ways now than it was before Viagra appeared on the scene.

She makes the observation that doctors who specialize in sexual health will probably now have a lot of high-tech alternatives which can identify and then alleviate physical causes of sexual dysfunction.

For example, ultrasound probes may be used inside the vagina to measure blood flow, pH probes can measure the acidity or alkalinity. This is a measurement which depends on how much lubrication a woman is producing. A third probe can be used to measure changes in length and width of the muscles of the vagina.

How to make her come every time!

As we know there are changes in the size and shape of the clitoris, vagina and labia during sexual excitement. The penis is the most amazing example of tumescence, of growth during sexual arousal, yet the female organs change in size and shape by just as significant a percentage.

There are also machines that can determine sensitivity of the clitoris or labia to pressure and heat and cold. Readings taken in a variety of conditions with a variety of sexual stimulation can reveal what may or may not be wrong with a woman’s sexual responses.

Taking these measurements and combining them with a psychological interview, often permits an effective sexual therapy, with or without physical solutions like drugs, to be devised.

But she also makes the observation of a lot of women who come to the clinic have already tried traditional sex therapy and found it unhelpful so that their treatment may well involve some combination of the clitoral therapy device, surgery or even drugs.

I think what’s clear to me here is that there is no overall solution for female sexual disorder, however one defines the term, and that a “one size fits all” approach is definitely not helpful to anybody.

In particular, one of the issues in sexual attraction that must not be overlooked in women is their emotional connection to their partner. Read more about that here

Hormonal Issues in Women

Clinical practice is gradually waking up to the fact that testosterone is indeed central to a woman’s sexual drive, her experience of sexual desire and possibly even her ability to reach orgasm.

In particular, testosterone levels fall dramatically in women after the menopause, and therefore the addition of testosterone to a hormone replacement regime can help these older women become sexually active again. But some doctors are also prescribing it to younger women and claiming great success.

Needless to say medical caution is, as always, preventing the rapid growth of testosterone prescription to women who are experiencing a low sex drive. This is odd, because finding the right dosage (one which avoids side-effects such as hair growth and clitoral enlargement) is not difficult.

It’s even been suggested that low testosterone levels stop Viagra working: there is some evidence that lowering testosterone can affect Viagra’s activity on the smooth muscle in the genitals, making them impervious to the action of Viagra. You can see the impact of Viagra on penis size in a selection of penis pictures and other images which are available here.

Irwin Goldstein at Boston University has given both pre-and post-menopausal women dehydroepiandrosterone (DHEA), which is a testosterone precursor.

He claims that prescribing both DHEA and Viagra to women produces a much more marked response and gives women hope of achieving a normal sex life with full orgasmic ability. So how are we to reconcile these two apparently opposing views?

On the one hand there are doctors like Goldstein and Berman who are prepared to use drugs and/or scientific or medical gadgets to improve a woman’s chance of reaching orgasm. On the other side the psychotherapists like Leonore Tiefer take a more political position and claim that women’s sexual problems are rooted in cultural, social or emotional factors.

Given the chance, they believe, sex therapy can solve most women’s sexual problems. Certainly it’s true that sex isn’t just physical: it also involves emotional, physical and interpersonal issues between men and women. That much is obvious.

However the problem is that where a physical disorder does exist it needs to be identified. An approach that routinely diminishes the value of physical therapy may prevent women from achieving a normal sex life. That is something all doctors and clinicians and scientists on either side of this divide would agree is the ultimate objective.


1.Further reading: For Women Only: A revolutionary guide to overcoming sexual dysfunction and reclaiming your sex life by Jennifer Berman and Laura Berman with Elizabeth Bumiller (Henry Holt and Company, 2001, New York)

2.Women’s Sexualities: Generations of women share intimate secrets of sexual self-acceptance by Carol Rinkleib Ellison and Beverly Whipple (New Harbinger, 2000, Oakland, California)


Explains all about the female orgasm – and how to achieve it!