Ah yes, the age-old difference between the sexes! How to reach orgasm easily…. how to give a woman an orgasm…
It’s a problem that has caused conflict and difficulty for men and women in relationship since the dawn of time. Or at least since orgasms were discovered. Or rather, at least since female orgasms were discovered!
You see, the thing is, we all know it’s a lot easier for a man to reach orgasm than it is for a woman. In fact, it can be far too easy for a man to reach orgasm – which is why there are so many programs on the Internet offering to cure premature ejaculation!
But there aren’t quite so many systems designed to make it easy for a woman to reach orgasm.
However, Orgasm Arts, also known as The Female Orgasm Blueprint, by sex educator Jason Julius, is one of the few I’ve seen which I’d recommend.
But What’s So Hard About Making A Woman Come?
Orgasm is not quite so straightforward for a woman: very few women reach orgasm during intercourse – i.e. from male thrusting alone – perhaps around 15%, although some authorities put the figure as low as 5%. In fact most women need clitoral stimulation to come. Simple as that.
And there’s a whole 10 or 15% of women in the population who never reach orgasm, regardless of the kind of stimulation they receive.
So there’s a significant number of women missing out on the pleasure of sex and orgasm here, and you have to assume that a lot of this is due to the fact that the men they are with don’t really know what they’re doing.
Sadly there seems to be ample evidence from surveys amongst women that men are still fixated on their own pleasure — although things are getting better. A succession of books with titles like She Comes First (by Ian Kerner) and Secrets Of A Supersexpert (by Tracey Cox) have really informed men about what they need to do pleasure their women. (A charming euphemism for taking them to climax.)
And yet, you know, I actually don’t think it’s a question of men being unwilling — I think it’s just that most men don’t know what to do to make a woman orgasm, and widespread sex education is really helping men find out how they can give their women great orgasms.
(Some would object – and say that a woman’s orgasm is always her responsibility. Of course, that’s sometimes true. But I don’t know many couples where it’s the general way of doing things.)
Sidebar: Avoid Porn
One of the things that mitigates against sexual pleasure for both men and women is the extensive use of pornography — because anything you see on porn is by definition unrealistic.
The size of the women’s breasts, the size of the men’s penises, the magnitude and length of the female orgasm – it’s all fakery, or least very unusual. It’s not real, guys. Hate to break that news to you.
And while you can find romantic erotica which is more realistic, even there you’re looking at finally toned bodies and great looking guys and gals – even this isn’t a model from which to take the principles of your own sex life — and it’s certainly not a good way of educating yourself about how to give a woman an orgasm!
If you want a reliable educator, try Orgasm Arts by Jason Julius. He seems to know what he’s talking about!
So there are several tricks that seem to make things sexier in the bedroom — according to women, that is.
Focus & Foreplay
Men, it seems if you’re focused on your partner rather than some fem-bot fantasy in your head, and you’re paying attention to her needs, talking to her and reassuring her, as well as touching her, kissing her, and looking her in the eye, she is much more likely to get turned on.
And don’t forget that foreplay doesn’t have to be foreplay: it can be the main event.
In fact about 40% of women say that their orgasms occur during foreplay rather than intercourse.
In fact, I believe it’s a lot higher than 40% who climax during pre-penetration play – although it’s entirely possible that more women would reach vaginal orgasm during lovemaking (i.e. thrusting) if they were more aroused before their man entered them.
Shake things up a bit!
And the same old script every time is a bit boring for everyone: foreplay, sex, cuddling.
Notice the implicit assumption here that sex = intercourse! In fact sex is many things — the obvious ones are kissing, oral, fingering, masturbation, but in effect anything that turns your partner on -which could even include simple touch to her nipples and breasts – is real “sex”!
The great thing about foreplay as we conventionally think of it is that it arouses a woman.
Interestingly enough, if a woman receives at least 20 minutes of foreplay beforehand, the percentage of women who reach orgasm with subsequent stimulation (whether oral or masturbation) goes up massively — from 20% to almost 80%.
Read Orgasm Arts for some jolly fine tips on how to bring a woman to climax easily and quickly….
Now, if you’re not in a relationship with a long-term partner, you’re going to need to use a condom — not just because it protects you from all kinds of nasties, but also because women whose men use a condom report an almost 20% higher rate of sexual satisfaction. And there’s no mystery why: reaching orgasm is a lot easier when a woman doesn’t have to worry about catching a sexually transmitted infection!
Being sensitive to your lover’s needs is also important in learning how to give a woman an orgasm.
Men often go straight to the breasts or the clitoris or the vagina — and as any woman can tell you, it takes a long time for her to warm up sufficiently for that intimate touch to be pleasurable.
This difference between the sexes calls for compassion and understanding when a man and woman get together; the fact that the man might be impatient to reach orgasm and ejaculate has to be set against the woman’s needs for pleasure.
Her pleasure comes from gentle and considerate stimulation.
And one compromise between the two is for the couple to agree that every so often the man can enjoy a quick “no strings attached” session of intercourse — but even here it’s important to be sensitive to the fact that she might not be very aroused, and use a good lubricant.
Great Sex Positions For A Great Orgasm
As we all know, sex positions are important. But there’s no point trying acrobatic and exhausting positions unless you get the basic ones right! And in any case – do they really help a woman come? Or is it more likely that using good techniques, like the ones in Orgasm Arts, may be a better route to the female orgasm, to making a woman come?
Keep in mind that whilst men might want to make a woman come, doing so does require sensitivity and extra stimulation to her clitoris. It’s very rare that you’re going to be able to give a woman an orgasm just by flocking her. So in the following sex positions (origination source here) add the extra twist – clitoral stimulation – to ensure that she actually reaches orgasm.
Instead of in-and-out thrusting, “have her grind against you in circles,” says sex expert Tracey Cox, author of Secrets of a Supersexpert. “Keep as much of the base of your penis in contact with her outer lips as possible.” Another option: Place two or three pillows under her butt to lift it off the bed at an angle. You’ll rub against her more when thrusting.
2. Girl on Top
Make a V with two fingers, and place it so the point of the V (just between the two knuckles) is directly over her clitoris. Your fingers should come down on either side of your penis as she rides you. “This will stimulate the clitoris, inner labia, and urethra—as well as add intensity for you,” Cox says.
“Have her lift her butt up or spread out your legs to move down and touch the supersensitive vaginal wall,” Cox says. Then reach around to play with her clitoris using your fingers. (Use a small vibrator for extra intensity.) For over-the-top stimulation of her most nerve-packed parts, “keep thrusting short and shallow, rather than deep and fast.”
Finally, remember that the clitoris is NOT the only place you can stimulate to get a good response: a woman’s orgasm depends on stimulation in many different areas: and that includes the clitoris, inside the vagina, and even an area called the A-spot which is found deep inside the vagina.
It’s the Anterior Fornix or A spot, a particularly sensitive area of the vagina on the upper wall she lies on her back.
Another very sensitive area is her urethral opening, which, gently stimulated, can provide her with more magnificent sensations!
All in all sex needs to be a relaxed and pleasurable experience. It needs to be free of pressure — whether that’s stress, time pressure, environmental pressure (like, for example, it’s too cold in the bedroom!) or anything else.
And it needs – perhaps more than anything else – the thing that we’ve always known, but sometimes choose to ignore – mutual love and affection.
Video – Jason Julius On Foreplay